Bat-Tachi no mask required
by Thatcrazyaoifan
Summary: The humorous life of modern bat-tachi and life in konoha. Sasuke is always causeing trouble, and trying to crack his big brothers ego. Rest assured you will laugh. Every bat-tachi needs a sidekick though who will it be?
1. His batcar

"Damn it that little brat snuck out again." Itachi mutters as an automated voice sounds through the massive Uchiha mansion. _The young Sasuke has snuck out or there has been a brake in._ Itachi grabs for his phone on his nightstand and shuts the alarm off.

~where oh where is Sasuke?~

Sasuke gets out of his car and ditches it at the konaha high. He runs around the school. A few blocks later he is at Naruto's house. It's a nice light blue with a big yard. Sasuke goes around back and finds an open window and slips in the house.

"Sasu?" Naruto says sleepily sitting up in bed. Sasuke just looks at Naruto for a moment. The bonde teen was shirtless and his face was so beautiful in the moon light room. "Yea its me." He says and removes his shoes and crosses the room.

"Naruto..." Sauke says and kisses the blonde.

~batman theme song starts playing as we switch to Itachi's pov~

Itachi drives around town looking for his younger brothers car. "Batcar whats the location of Sasuke's car?" Itachi says and an automated voice sounds. _His car is located at the high school._ "Thankyou will you mark the location on the map of locations hes left his car." Itachi says and the automated voice replys. _The task just assigned is now complete. It seems as though the message he has been supplying you with is now spelled out, by where he has left his car every night when he slips out. Would you like me to show you the map?_ "Yes." Itachi says and a map with little dots all over it is shown on a screen.

Itachi has a small dick.

"That brat." Tachi says and drives right to Naruto's house. Itachi get out of his car and walks up the path to the front door of the home and knocks on the door. He stands there a minute twirling his hair in his fingers while he waits for Kushina to answer the door. A moment later the door swings inward and Kushina is standing ther her hand on the door.

"Oh, come on in Itachi, are you ok?" Kushina asks as Itachi looks uncomfortable. "Mrs. Uzumaki, you forgot a night shirt. Itachi says and heads off to Naruto's room. He opens the door and finds his little brother nude and quite aroused. Completely ignoring the blonde teen in front if his brother Itachi walks over to Sasuke and grabs him by his dick. "Lets go Sasuke." He says pulling Sasuke along behind him without giving him a chance to get dressed.

"Thank you for letting me in Mrs. Uzumaki." Itachi says. As he pulls Sasuke to his car and puts him in the back seat. He gets in the driver seat. "You need to stop sneeking out Sasuke, you know damn well there is a freaking alarm, second don't fucking leave messages with your car, third mine is bigger than yours." Itachi says as he drives them back to the Uchiha mansion.

Itachi pulls his car into the garage and Sasuke gets out of the bat mobile and heads to his room. Itachi sighs and locks the car and heads to his brothers room and stands out side the room. Itachi hears a match being lit and smells incense. A single tear rolls down Itachi's face as be walks to his own room.

Itachi lays down a while later and falls into a dream.

***********************Dream land************************************

Itachi grins at his mom who is letting him lick the spoon. "Mmmm. It will make for perfect brownies mom!" He declares with an adorable smile on his little face. His mom smiles and a very small Sasuke runs through the kitchen naked and with dirt all over him. Itachi chuckles. "Looks like Sasuke had fun." He says and puts down the spoon and chases his brother around the house. Minutes later Mikoto calls out to the boys. "The bath is ready!" The first to skid into the bathroom is a very small and very dirty Sasuke followed by a Itachi who steps on a towel and slides forward. Loosing his footing on the towel he stumbles and lands in the tub full on water. Sasuke of course thinks it's hilarious and starts laughing. A very contagious laughter that passes to Itachi who is sitting drenched in the tub. Mikoto laughs and takes a picture as Sasuke is trying to use Itachi's leg to climb into the tub.

************************Leaving Dream Land****************************

Itachi rolls over and falls off his bed. Which results in a loud thud and having Sasuke rush into the room to see if Itachi is ok. "Tachi, are you ok I heard a thud..." He says and looks to to floor next to his brothers bed. Itachi is laying in the floor looking slightly pissed off and at the same time happy. "Ohhh yeah I'm fine, the nice soft fucking floor caught me." H says his voice laced with scarcasim. "Oh good I thought you broke your ego." Sasuke says with a smirk and walks over to help Itachi off the floor.

Itachi rolls his eyes and smiles at his brother.

"Hey Sasuke wheres the photo album?" Itachi asks as Sasuke is about to walk out of the room, after helping Tachi up off the floor. "It's in my room, on the window sill." He says.

A few minutes later Itachi walks out of his room in a dark blue shirt and skinny jeans, and his long black hair in a braid. "Dei, is definitely right Itachi you could pass for a stripper." Sasuke says before drinking some orange juice.

"I feel as though I should be offended by you and Deidera saying that, but really I'm quite flattered that you two think I'm sexy as fuck." Itachi says and for the hell of it mocks a runway models walk. Causing Sasuke to laugh at the same time he's drinking his orange juice. "Shit it's running out my nose! Why does it burn?!" Sasuke says after a moment and Tachi shoots him an evil grin. "Burn mother fucker burn. Thats what you get, revenge is a bitch." Itachi says with an evil laugh and disapears up the stairs.


	2. The annoying Menma lol

Itachi heads downstairs with a photo album in his hands. He opens it and flips from page to page looking for the picture of him in the tub and Sasuke trying to climb in.

There is a loud punding on the front door, like two people are banging on the door with both their hands. Itachi stops and looks out the window.

"Its the Uzumaki twins." Itachi says

"Sasuke, get ur ass out here lets go!"

"Fuck it I'll just wait for his ass in the car." One voice says as Naruto opens the door.

"Sasuke will be right there Naruto, he just has to take care of his nose. The moron got his orange juice to run out his nose." Tachi says with a straight face.

Menma stops in his tracks and looks at Itachi. "On second thought you two can head to the mall without me." Menma says a sly grin forming on his face.

Naruto snickers as Sasuke steps into the hall and flips Itachi off. "Ohh i wonder who's fault that was." He says with an, oh no shit dumbass tone in his voice.

"You laughed on your own I didnt force it." Tachi says. As Sasuke walks out the door and Menma walked in.

"Have fun." He says an puts an arm around Itachi. Naruto snickers and gets in the car with Sasuke and they drive off.

Itachi grabs Menma's wrist and prys his arm off him. "What the actual fuck Menma?" He says as he steps away from the teen. Itachi puts the photo album down on the stairs and waits for an answer.

Menma steps closer and grabs both of itachis wrists and backs him into a wall pinning him. Menma leans in close to Itachi's ear. "You are my bitch now." He whispers.

Itachi struggles against the teens hold. "Damn how can one so small be so strong." Itachi mutters unable to brake free from Menma.

"Tch naughty, trying to escape. The fun hasn't even started yet." Menma says his lips so verry close to Itachi's neck. Menma slides a hand up the Itachi's shirt.

Itachi closes his eyes and turns his head. Menma laughs and lets Itachi go.

"Damn you, really would have let me wouldn't you." Menma says a smirk upon his face and Itachi storms off down a hall with a lush painted across his face.

Itachi goes into the bathroom. God how could a kid be that strong Itachi had really tried to get away, at first. Itachi sighs and looks in the mirror shit his braid was becoming frizzy, oh well best let it be for now he didn't want to redo it.

Itachi leaves the bathroom after a few minutes. It looks around and can't find Menma.

Itachi is attacked from behind and is pinned to the floor.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY BACK YOU BRAT!" Itachi yells pissed off. Menma snorts from his place on Itachi's back.

"Not a chance in hell princess, you see I can do as I want because I am Menma and you are my bitch." He says with a smug smile.

Itachi thinks it over, if he were to punch the kid out he could simply say he was being harassed by the kid but he didn't want to. He hated to admit it but it would really blow his ego if he admitted he was being harassed by a kid.

Menma fakes a pouty face. "Awww what the matter princess?" He asks while trying not to laugh.

Fuck it, fuck it all he didn't care if he was going to have to face Kushina's wrath this kid was going to fucking get what was coming to him.

Itachi reaches up and grabs Menma's wrist and yanks him down to the ground and stands up. "Don't ever fucking do that again or I will make it hurt worse." He says and walks out of the hallway.

Menma lays on the floor a bruse forming on his wrist where he slamed it gown to keep his face pretty. Cause Whats Menma supposed to do with out his natural good looks?

Menma gets up and follows Itachi.

"Damn princess, I must admit you look sexy as hell when you are pissed off." Menma says with a slightly mocking tone.

Itachi glares at him and walks into the kichen.

"Fuck off." Itachi says and Menma rolls his eyes.

"Ohh I would but I don't you know think my bitch is ready for that, or are you?" Menma says and laughs when Itachi slams the fridge shut.

Menma stops laughing for a moment. "Woah we have a P.O.P.A." Menma says after he brings a finger to his ear like a special agent.

Itachi looks at him. "What the hell does that stand for?" He asks and Menma snorts.

"It stands go pissed off princess alert." He says barely able to get the words out through his laughter.

Damn that kid was annoying Itachi.

"So what are we doing today?" I am going to work you are going home." Isachi says and Menma pouts.

"But I wana see where a pissed off princess works. Plus mom said I was driving her crazy so I'm not going back untill later, office work sounds interesting, or is it a strip club?" Menma says wiggling his eyebrows and Itachi rolls his eyes.

"Get your mind out of the damn gutter it's an office." Itachi says and pours some milk into a cup.

He grabs his keys off a hook by the door while Menma stands in the kitchen.

"Well get you ass in gear let's go."Itachi says and Menma smiles.

"You mean I can come with you princess?!" He says his bright blue eyes sparkling.

Itachi snorts. "God I'm not leaving you in my house alone." He says as Menma runs past him and gets in the passenger seat of the batcar.

Fuck today would be annoying as hell. Itachi thinks as he locks the door and gets in the drivers seat.

* * *

if you readers would be so kind as to drop by my profile page and vote in the pole I have going for this story, I could get itachis sidekick in as I feel he needs one and can't decide between two characters so if you guys and girls could decide that would so help out. enjoy a good laugh at itachi and Menma and smile ^_^ don't forget reviews make me want to keep writing this.


	3. bat tachi in the office

It suprised itachi that Menma could actually remain quiet and not mock him. The ride was somewhat enjoyable...until they got out of the car. Then teen wouldn't shut up again, it was going to drive Itachi crazy.

Itachi walkes through the front doors of a large building with Menma just a step behind him.

Itachi walks past Kakashi who looks up.

"It looks like you have a shadow today." He says and smiles behind his mask.

It was a mystery why the man wore it, no one had seen him without it except for his family and Iruka. Everyone had tried to see under it, everyone had failed, even Itachi had tried when he was younger.

Itachi rolls his eyes and continues to his office, with Menma just a step behind him the whole way.

Itachi walks into his office and menma sits on the desk. Menma picks up a picture frame.

"Awe cute you keep a picture of everyone who works here on your desk." Menma says and is ignored by Itachi.

Itachi sits at his desk and turns his attention to the computer next to menma.

"what type of work do you do in this boring office anyway?" Menma asks and itachi looks up to the teen sitting on his desk.

"KAKASHI!" Itachi shouts and startles Menma. A moment later the man is standing in the doorway of Itachi's office.

"Sorry I don't think we have an Uzumaki repellant in the back you brought it with you its not my problem." Kakashi says.

Itachi rolls his eyes. "Haha real funny Kakashi, yesterday you said that you would have the reports complete." Itachi says.

Kakashi nods and hands over a folder he then leaves and shuts the door.

"Soo princess, is this all you do all day?" Menma asks and when Itachi nods menma grins.

Menma moves to laying across the desk and when he refuses to move Itachi puts his fist through the wall behind him before he leaves his office. Menma frowns and goes to get up.

 _I don't think me laying on his desk warranted a fist through the wall... have I pissed him off that much already?_ Menma thinks as he walks over to the door that was slammed shut when Itachi left.

"I don't care Kakashi, I wont loose anymore men on this team to the case, hand it to Kuranai and her team, they are more experienced and we keep dropping like flies." Itachi says and menma pauses.

 _Well at least it's mot my fault he's pissed off._ menma thinks.

* * *

Alright I know its a much shorter chapter but the next chapter will be big enough to make up for this one being so short.


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